Stuff to make you giggle

When in doubt be evil or be a chicken or be an evil chicken what ever floats your boat!

I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so.

If you can't beat 'em, arrange to have them beaten.

Maybe the Hokey-Pokey is what it's all about.

Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and good with Ketchup!

Sorry, I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.

Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?


I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

The best way to change someone's mind is with a rock

If Barbi is so Great why do you have to buy her friends?

Won't it be nice when schools get all the money they need and the Air Force has to have a bake sale to buy a new bomber?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.


A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"